Saturday, June 4th. 8:05pm: I just looked down at what I know is gonna make me hate myself in the morning…
A very big, ice cold shot of Patron that Sexual Chocolate set down in front of me at Winghouse. You see, at this moment it occurred to me; this is war. Today is my birthday and my friends are trying to kill me :(
.
Like I always do, I step up to the plate and slam the shot. "Fuck it…"
Bad Idea…
Being that I am highly egotistical, I planned an elaborate birthday celebration for no other reason than to validate the fact that I am cool and everyone should like me.
The details of this epic adventure included an All Black Party starting at the local Winghouse, followed by a visit to Vintage Ultra Lounge (a Club in downtown St. Petersburg).
Now although I said it was an all black party, I decided that myself and the few of my closest friends were required to wear all 
white…
Why did I want to wear all white? "For the simple fact that if everyone else does one thing I always strive to do the opposite :)". That's a little gem that The Hulse has taught me over the years… never conform and do your own thing.
Let me tell you a little about my outfit that I hoped wouldn't get destroyed by the end of the night, as I did plan on blacking out.
The outfit consisted of numerous high priced products that I picked out over the course of a month…
The shirt- A BKE V-neck I purchased from a local store called Buckle, price $17.99.
The Pants - I had to special order from Guess as they don't stock very many sizes of White slim fit jeans, Price $89.00.
The Vest - A slim fit Perry Ellis price $55.00
The Shoes - Supra 'Vaiders', black. Made of the supra tuff material with a grey sole, Price $95.00.
Belt – Hot Topic Black 3 row studded, Price $29.00.
Now all these things together made for a seriously dope looking outfit as you can see in the photo…
Only problem with this is the fact that I was gonna get blackout drunk and PROBABLY ruin all my newly acquired white attire…
Now I have to give credit to my boys Sexual Chocolate, The Crusher, And The Ragin' Asian, as all of them put together very fine all white outfits to accompany mine during our night of debauchery. Their outfits go as followed…
Sexual Chocolate - He rocked some very slim fit white linen pants that showed off what I will deem "THE PACKAGE", a white button up, and he accented the white with custom painted Pink shoes, a pink top hat, and pink suspenders.
The Crusher - He was rocking a pair of white Levis 501 jeans, some white Zoo York shoes, and a nice cotton stylish t-shirt. The notable accents were the the sick white G-shock watch his lovely girlfriend 'The Boss' got him for an anniversary gift and sweet aviator glasses.
The Ragin Asian - He showed up a little late and I was almost blacked out when he arrived but he was rocking a white linen vest, white Levi 501's and white button up, all accented with a sick white ceramic Citizen watch.
It was safe to say at this point we all looked better than you :).
As the night went on at Winghouse, about 30 of my friends showed up, and as the invite said 8pm, of course noone showed up on time and very few were wearing all black.
Of course it didn't matter though, as I was already well on my way to blacking out.
The dinner was really chill and the alcohol consumption was high. From what I remember between the hours of 8pm to 11pm I drank a 1/2 pitcher of Miller Lite, 2 Vodka waters, a shot of Patron, 2 Lemon Drops, a Johnny Vegas and a baby Guinness.
It's safe to say at this point I was FUCKED.
We wrapped up dinner at 10:45 and hopped in The Crushers car and I proceeded to play a few songs from my iphone that I felt The Crusher had to hear, the first being the new Simple Plan song "Jet Lag", and a crazy A Day to Remember song "Done Up", in Dub Step fashion.
We got to Vintage and I told The Crusher I needed a Red Bull. He says, "don't worry, I got you covered. We're gonna do a V-TAC shot once we get in the bar."
I look at him Confused, and ask, "whats a V-TAC?"
He says, "you'll find out soon enough…"
I am now scared…
We walk in and head up to our friend the bartender. I will call her "The Devil", and she, with a smiling face, puts about 15 shots of something in front of us…
We wait a few minutes for the majority of my friends to walk in, and we slam the Devil's shots with a complete disregard for logical thinking. At this point it came to me…
MY FRIENDS ARE TRYING TO KILL ME.
Somewhere around midnight, The Crusher handed me the "V-TAC", a devious concoction of Redbull, Cherry Vodka, and a 5 hour energy to give it a little pep. I take that one to the head and start my pleading.
I was literally begging like a 5 year old kid for people to stop buying me shots… for at least an hour…
This was highly unsuccessful as I was handed 2 more shortly after and told I was "a pussy", and to "man up".
By this point I'm nearing the point of losing all rational thought, I made a lot of highly retarded comments, and also a few marriage proposals to girls that were there with me or were close nearby.
At this time, I gave my Iphone to The Crusher as I didn't want to send any drunk text messages or make any calls to any of my ex- girlfriends. I'm sure we all know where those types of things lead.
It is now 1am and I am officially blacked out…
I somehow managed to get home around 4 am, so the time frame between 1am and 4am will remain a mystery to me, but to further your entertainment and mindless reading of my blog I had to resort to Facebook.
Here are a few retarded things I did or said during this 3 hour time frame…
1) I told my really hot friend who I will call "The Emo Girl" that if she decides to make a bad decision and wants to piss off her boyfriend to make sure I am that guy.
2) I got into a head but test of manliness with Westy.
3) Told a girl that I dated in high school I hated her, and then shortly after told her I love her and she is "The one that got away, in my eyes."
4) Took a shot that is called a "Grand Slam" which consists of Jameson and butterscotch with an orange juice chaser. This little gem I was told is supposed to taste like pancakes and syrup with oj. I have no clue if it did, I was blacked out.
5) Almost got into a fight with 3 guys, as I was probably talking shit to them.
6) Was given a shot by Hot Mess and told, "I hope you puke on yourself."
7) Fell asleep standing up in the middle of the club.
8) Got dragged out the club by the Ragin' Asian, followed by pouting because we had to leave.
9) Absolutely refused to get into the car as I wanted to go home with who I will call "The Bosnian Girl".
10) Tried to puke but couldn't.
11) Threw a shoe that I found in the parking garage around for a few minutes(Not Mine).
12) Threw a garbage can in front of my house.
13) Peed in my yard and got some on my shoes.
I guess around this time, I passed out with no shirt on, face down on my bed with my shoes still on.
I woke up around 10:30 am with a wicked hangover and a lot of random stains and crap on all my white clothes. Magically, my Iphone was in my back pocket with my money clip. I guess the Crusher slipped it in there on my way out…
Throughout the day I got a lot of random text messages and calls, but none can sum it up better then a Facebook wall post from The Lovely "Hot Mess"…
"Hope you're feeling amazingly hungover! P.S. In case you write a blog, you tried to marry me last night, got carried out of the bar by about 5 people looking like a dead Backstreet boy, and I have no idea what you did to some poor girl (I think it was your Ex) but I overheard her bitching to her friend about you outside of Vintage… Overall, A pretty successful birthday!"
Thanks for all those that came out and made this night epic!
If You Enjoyed The Post Click The LIKE Button And Give Someone Else A Laugh At My Stupidity…
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
Wow, I can't believe it's been almost 2 months and no one has commented on this here.
Yeah, it was an epic night and fun wrestling you into the car. ;)